I have been thinking alot lately. Realised that I'm too caught up in the rush, so now I'm just..stopping to think to myself more in solitude. It isn't anything about having a complex mind, or as the common phrase goes, "thinking too much" or beyond what others might actually process in their minds. Just having more time to myself to reflect on whats happened and if I've taken things the right way. I can surely say that my MYE results are a no-no now ; its not exactly a great thing but I'll take it. Its all I've got now, isn't it ? One lesson after another has taught me to take things at ease. Its not easy to make things right when you've screwed things up over and over again, but I'll make my best tries from now. Grateful and remorse is an understatement, but I can't find other words to describe the feelings I have for my mom thats always giving me chances, trusting that I will get better results the next time round, yet to find herself chapfallen all the same after all - anyone could tell. Its this downside of it that always finds its way into my heart and stares at my face, Don't you feel guilty at all, you little schmut ? I do. I can't make empty promises anymore, false hope is the last thing i want to give to her now. Looking at my midyear results I'm not even sure if I can manage to be able to buck up by the end of the year ; but its worth a try. Its all blatant now, I'm giving this another shot. There are plenty other voids that I constantly seek to fill, but the number is dwindling. I'm fully aware myself how senselessly moody I can be, and its not gonna happen. My feelings are mine to manipulate, and thats not gonna change for anything in the world. Slightly harsh it might sound, but thats that. Plenty of things are not my place to judge though, and I'll keep my trap shut. Maybe this will be the best to stay out of unnecessary attention, I don't want to lose what I've finally found ; because I know this time the feeling's just right. I'm exhausted after so much that has happened, but I know things will have to carry on nevertheless. It won't be me to give up just like that, would it. Now that I've got things slowed down on pace, its all going to change. I'm gonna try my best to sustain all that I've got now, and to constantly work my way to the top.

Life's gonna be interesting. (:

/Edited
Don't question me on the chunk above, I just needed to clear my head so your understandings of it won't be necessary. Oh, and its only one more day to our first month, I love you dearest. (: